I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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