I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I died a long time ago.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
