I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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