He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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