some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
