I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
