She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
