Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
