apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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