drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
