Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
