were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
