Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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