I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
