It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
