how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
