Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
