So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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