Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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