he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
