i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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