so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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