I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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