i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
