we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
