DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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