We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
