dude i'm inner monologue high
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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