I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
