so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
