My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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