hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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