There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
