You smell like stripper and shame
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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