I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
