theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
