oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
