I am puke
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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