we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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