my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize