Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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