I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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