Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.

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(240): Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates. http://tfl.nu/bvcb

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(248): View more from Michigan

he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.

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(248): he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/hv59

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...

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(414): you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/w2pr

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted

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(609): I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted http://tfl.nu/rfs0

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(815): View more from Illinois

I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.

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(815): I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire. http://tfl.nu/5e7s

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?

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(610): So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her? http://tfl.nu/wt2f

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(214): View more from Texas

You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.

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(214): You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight. http://tfl.nu/qr87

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.

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(610): we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again. http://tfl.nu/goom

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(810): View more from Michigan

I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.

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(810): I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm. http://tfl.nu/2iai

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(859): View more from Kentucky

This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...

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(859): This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk... http://tfl.nu/39pj

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(714): View more from California

Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.

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(714): Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner. http://tfl.nu/auiz

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(514): View more from Quebec

I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?

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(514): I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!? http://tfl.nu/cwiy

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(309): View more from Illinois

I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.

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(309): I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough. http://tfl.nu/3hvx

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(330): View more from Ohio

Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.

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(330): Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success. http://tfl.nu/8tcw

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(815): View more from Illinois

Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship

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(815): Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship http://tfl.nu/8hbk

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