He kissed a someone with a penis
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
