I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
