I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
