i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
