Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
