decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
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I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
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Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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