Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
