He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
