i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
