You made me cry and you don't even care
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
