does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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