What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
