Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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