just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
