You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
