Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
