I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
