I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
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Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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