I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
