You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
