Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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