ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
