Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
